It took almost three years for me to become pregnant with our first child. So when it finally happened, my joy was inexplicable. I still remember the day my doctor told me that my pregnancy test was positive. I stepped out of her clinic grinning from ear to ear. I felt like I was walking on air as I rushed home to share the news with Jojo.
My first child delivery was the longest and most difficult. After 18 hours in labor, the pain was almost unbearable. But all that was forgotten when I finally held our beautiful newborn daughter in my arms.
Joy and pain – they seem to be inextricably woven together. You can’t have one without the other. Childbirth was just the first of many joy/pain experiences I went through with my eldest daughter and the other children that followed. I rejoiced at their many firsts – first tooth, first step, first word, first day in school, first graduation, first prom. I grieved at their disappointments, failures and heartbreaks.
As a parent, I want to shield my children from mistakes. But they, too, have the gift of free will. I am happy when they are able to make their own choices, but sad when those choices turn out to be wrong.
I always say, enjoy your children while they are young. All too soon, the child you nurtured in your womb for nine months becomes a person separate and distinct from you. The baby who used to cling to you will learn to walk and run. You give her wings and soon she flies.
Children can be the source of your greatest joy and the cause of your deepest pain. Yet, you continue to love, even when it hurts. As your children learn to spread their wings, you can only pray that in time, they will also learn to fly back home.
Children, obey your parents (in the Lord), for this is right. "Honor your father and mother." This is the first commandment with a promise, "that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life on earth." (Ephesians 6:1-3)
October 5, 2010
September 29, 2010
Stop, Look and Listen
A teenage girl was about to cross from the other side of the street to catch the bus I was in. Her father (I presume), who was driving the other way, honked his horn. The girl stepped back on the sidewalk, suddenly realizing that the traffic light was green and cars were speeding by. She just wanted to catch her ride and wasn’t mindful of the danger she put herself in.
Acting on impulse can often be disastrous. It can create blinders that prevent you from seeing everything else around you. How many times have I reacted wildly to events without thinking, or decided based on my emotions at the moment?
The age-old instruction to stop, look and listen before proceeding really makes a lot of sense. In spiritual terms, I call these steps - reflect, discern and pray. Seeking God’s guidance will never lead you astray.
Teach me wisdom and knowledge, for in your commands I trust. (Psalm 119: 66)
Acting on impulse can often be disastrous. It can create blinders that prevent you from seeing everything else around you. How many times have I reacted wildly to events without thinking, or decided based on my emotions at the moment?
The age-old instruction to stop, look and listen before proceeding really makes a lot of sense. In spiritual terms, I call these steps - reflect, discern and pray. Seeking God’s guidance will never lead you astray.
Teach me wisdom and knowledge, for in your commands I trust. (Psalm 119: 66)
September 19, 2010
Quiet Time
Every day, I feel the need to be constantly doing something or filling my mind with thoughts. When I’m idle, I think I‘m wasting my time – and time is so precious in the fast pace of life here in North America. When I’m at home, the TV set, radio and computer seem to be always on, sometimes simultaneously. Even as I go to bed, my mind is still working, thinking of tasks undone and yet to be completed.
I remember a high school assignment where we were asked to sit alone in a dark room at home for about thirty minutes. We were supposed to write down our experience of the quiet and the darkness. For some, it was terrifying; to others, strangely comforting. For many, it was surprising to suddenly be acutely aware of one’s surroundings, senses and inner thoughts.
In the busy-ness of my life, I have forgotten what “quiet” means. The constant barrage of noise makes it almost impossible to sit “quietly in the dark.” But I must find the time to be silent and still. An anxious mind has no room for Godly thoughts. Only as I empty my mind of worldly concerns can I prepare myself for an infilling of God’s spirit.
"Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.’” (Matthew 11:28)
I remember a high school assignment where we were asked to sit alone in a dark room at home for about thirty minutes. We were supposed to write down our experience of the quiet and the darkness. For some, it was terrifying; to others, strangely comforting. For many, it was surprising to suddenly be acutely aware of one’s surroundings, senses and inner thoughts.
In the busy-ness of my life, I have forgotten what “quiet” means. The constant barrage of noise makes it almost impossible to sit “quietly in the dark.” But I must find the time to be silent and still. An anxious mind has no room for Godly thoughts. Only as I empty my mind of worldly concerns can I prepare myself for an infilling of God’s spirit.
"Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.’” (Matthew 11:28)
September 10, 2010
A Warm Bed
Have you ever thanked God for your bed?
Before we left for Canada, our house in Caloocan had deteriorated to the point where our roof had holes. Whenever it rained, water would drip from the ceiling. We had to move the furniture and put basins to catch the water. It was difficult to sleep during a storm as I feared waking up with water around me.
What a great blessing to have a dry bed! When my mind is troubled and I can’t sleep, I feel my body against the warm and soft bed cover. I huddle under the blanket, and immediately I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Everything else may be in chaos, but on my bed, I can rest in God’s comforting embrace. If God can take care of my earthly needs, will He not take care of the rest?
My God will fully supply whatever you need, in accord with his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)
Before we left for Canada, our house in Caloocan had deteriorated to the point where our roof had holes. Whenever it rained, water would drip from the ceiling. We had to move the furniture and put basins to catch the water. It was difficult to sleep during a storm as I feared waking up with water around me.
What a great blessing to have a dry bed! When my mind is troubled and I can’t sleep, I feel my body against the warm and soft bed cover. I huddle under the blanket, and immediately I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Everything else may be in chaos, but on my bed, I can rest in God’s comforting embrace. If God can take care of my earthly needs, will He not take care of the rest?
My God will fully supply whatever you need, in accord with his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)
September 8, 2010
Major Mistake
There has been much fuss over the Filipino contestant’s answer to the question at a beauty pageant, “What is the one big mistake that you made in your life?”
Nothing is more humbling that to admit you made a mistake. I have committed a lot of mistakes myself – wrong decisions, actions that hurt my family and friends, missed opportunities, failed ventures. Nothing major, but altogether resulted to pain and disappointment.
At that time, they were cause for regret. But, in hindsight, I view them now as opportunities for learning. Those mistakes allowed me to grow as a person and acknowledge that I am not perfect.
I continue to make mistakes everyday as I struggle with my human nature. I cry a little, become depressed for a while, blame myself – but life goes on. Growth is about learning from your mistakes, not dwelling on them. Often, the most difficult part is forgiving yourself.
If you, LORD, mark our sins, Lord, who can stand? But with you is forgiveness and so you are revered. (Psalm 130: 3-4)
Nothing is more humbling that to admit you made a mistake. I have committed a lot of mistakes myself – wrong decisions, actions that hurt my family and friends, missed opportunities, failed ventures. Nothing major, but altogether resulted to pain and disappointment.
At that time, they were cause for regret. But, in hindsight, I view them now as opportunities for learning. Those mistakes allowed me to grow as a person and acknowledge that I am not perfect.
I continue to make mistakes everyday as I struggle with my human nature. I cry a little, become depressed for a while, blame myself – but life goes on. Growth is about learning from your mistakes, not dwelling on them. Often, the most difficult part is forgiving yourself.
If you, LORD, mark our sins, Lord, who can stand? But with you is forgiveness and so you are revered. (Psalm 130: 3-4)
August 23, 2010
Carry Each Other’s Burdens
The lady standing in front of me had a tattoo on her nape. “Wish you were here – May 12, 2010,” it read. What happened on that date, I wanted to ask. Did she lose somebody she loved? Another time, I saw a woman on the train wiping away her tears. She had a big bag with her. I wondered -- did she just leave her family? Was she thrown out of her home?
Just recently, my daughter told me that one of her friends committed suicide. What a tragic way to end one’s life at the age of 19. Did anyone know what he was going through? What demons did he battle with in his mind?
This story brought me back to my high school years when someone in our batch killed herself. Nobody had a clue that she was experiencing so much personal turmoil. Could we, her classmates and teachers, have done something to save her?
Every person has a story to tell. It can be a story of loneliness, pain, desperation. But that despair can turn to hope. Sometimes, all it takes is for someone to reach out and care.
Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, as indeed you do... We urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, cheer the fainthearted, support the weak, be patient with all. (1 Thessalonians 5:11,14)
Just recently, my daughter told me that one of her friends committed suicide. What a tragic way to end one’s life at the age of 19. Did anyone know what he was going through? What demons did he battle with in his mind?
This story brought me back to my high school years when someone in our batch killed herself. Nobody had a clue that she was experiencing so much personal turmoil. Could we, her classmates and teachers, have done something to save her?
Every person has a story to tell. It can be a story of loneliness, pain, desperation. But that despair can turn to hope. Sometimes, all it takes is for someone to reach out and care.
Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, as indeed you do... We urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, cheer the fainthearted, support the weak, be patient with all. (1 Thessalonians 5:11,14)
August 17, 2010
Gentle Speech
On my train ride home, a woman walked in with her daughter and sat down beside me. The little girl, who was about three, was crying and screaming “I don’t want to ride the train. I want to ride the bus right now!” She kept repeating it over and over. I felt for her mom who must have been embarrassed, as everyone on the train was looking at them.
But how do you deal with a 3 year old who has her mind set on something she wants? As any experienced mother knows, the best way to handle a tantrum is to ignore it. To her credit, the mother did just that, gently speaking to the child that they had to take the train and would soon be getting off. But the screaming went on for about 20 minutes until they reached their station.
I’m glad I’m way past that child rearing stage. But some things don’t change, although roles have been reversed. Just the other day, I blew my top over my teenage son’s huge cell phone bill. He took it gently while I yelled at him. I went back to my room, embarrassed at my outburst. Good thing we weren’t on a train.
Like that 3 year old, I still need to learn a lot about controlling my emotions and taming my tongue.
Brothers, even if a person is caught in some transgression, you who are spiritual should correct that one in a gentle spirit, looking to yourself, so that you also may not be tempted. (Galatians 6:1)
But how do you deal with a 3 year old who has her mind set on something she wants? As any experienced mother knows, the best way to handle a tantrum is to ignore it. To her credit, the mother did just that, gently speaking to the child that they had to take the train and would soon be getting off. But the screaming went on for about 20 minutes until they reached their station.
I’m glad I’m way past that child rearing stage. But some things don’t change, although roles have been reversed. Just the other day, I blew my top over my teenage son’s huge cell phone bill. He took it gently while I yelled at him. I went back to my room, embarrassed at my outburst. Good thing we weren’t on a train.
Like that 3 year old, I still need to learn a lot about controlling my emotions and taming my tongue.
Brothers, even if a person is caught in some transgression, you who are spiritual should correct that one in a gentle spirit, looking to yourself, so that you also may not be tempted. (Galatians 6:1)
August 12, 2010
Perfect Love
There are days when I want to forget that I have responsibilities. When I’m annoyed, frustrated and disappointed with the people around me--I want to pretend that I’m not a wife, a mother and an employee.
It’s tiring to meet everyone’s expectations. I get sick of hearing complaints all the time. If I just live for myself, I can do anything without thinking what others will say. I don’t have to cook if I don’t want to. I don’t have to worry about anyone’s needs. I can skip work, sleep the whole day and not care.
Does God ever feel the same way about me? Does He get tired of my sins, my fears, my whining?
Thankfully, no--that’s why He is God and I’m just an ordinary person. His love is perfect and unconditional, not like mine.
"Great are you, Lord GOD! There is none like you and there is no God but you, just as we have heard it told...” (2 Samuel 7:22)
It’s tiring to meet everyone’s expectations. I get sick of hearing complaints all the time. If I just live for myself, I can do anything without thinking what others will say. I don’t have to cook if I don’t want to. I don’t have to worry about anyone’s needs. I can skip work, sleep the whole day and not care.
Does God ever feel the same way about me? Does He get tired of my sins, my fears, my whining?
Thankfully, no--that’s why He is God and I’m just an ordinary person. His love is perfect and unconditional, not like mine.
"Great are you, Lord GOD! There is none like you and there is no God but you, just as we have heard it told...” (2 Samuel 7:22)
August 8, 2010
Running the Race
When I was young, things couldn’t happen fast enough. I wanted to pull the days so I could graduate, get a job, buy a house and a car. Now that I’m nearing the golden mark, I wake up each morning wondering where the days have gone. Life passes by more quickly when you’re older. And this becomes more apparent with the changing of the seasons. As plants shoot up from the soil, bloom, shed leaves and finally die in the cold of winter, you know for sure that time has gone by.
I used to be so afraid of death. Just the thought of it would make me anxious. “There’s a lot I need to do”. “I still have many dreams to accomplish!” But as I aged, I came to accept the inevitable--like the passing of the seasons, life comes and goes.
And so, I ask the Lord for more time--no longer for material desires--but for things that matter most – to see my children finish school and settle down, to play with my grandchildren, to grow old together with my husband, to share my faith.
At the end of the road, I want to be ready to answer the question. “Did you have a life well-lived?”
I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith. From now on the crown of righteousness awaits me, which the Lord, the just judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me, but to all who have longed for his appearance. (2 Timothy 4:7-8)
I used to be so afraid of death. Just the thought of it would make me anxious. “There’s a lot I need to do”. “I still have many dreams to accomplish!” But as I aged, I came to accept the inevitable--like the passing of the seasons, life comes and goes.
And so, I ask the Lord for more time--no longer for material desires--but for things that matter most – to see my children finish school and settle down, to play with my grandchildren, to grow old together with my husband, to share my faith.
At the end of the road, I want to be ready to answer the question. “Did you have a life well-lived?”
I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith. From now on the crown of righteousness awaits me, which the Lord, the just judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me, but to all who have longed for his appearance. (2 Timothy 4:7-8)
August 4, 2010
Surprise!
I don’t really like surprises. Being the person that I am, I prefer to know exactly what’s going to happen and plan accordingly.
Although I had prepared myself for the life we would face here in Canada, I was hopeful that it would be different for me. So it was a surprise that nine months after we arrived, I still couldn’t find a decent job. I had almost resigned myself to the fact that I would never have a career, much less a similar job to the one I had in the Philippines.
But God brought me into my field of human resources, even though I had to start again at the very bottom. He also blessed me with employers who funded my studies, and I finished not one but two certificate programs.
Just recently, I was able to reach the position that I had in the Philippines before I left. It took nine long years and I no longer expected it--but what a pleasant surprise.
Shortly after, I got accepted as a freelance writer for an online media company. To do something that I love and get paid for it--another wonderful surprise.
Forrest Gump says “Life is like a box of chocolates--you never know just what you’re getting.” Our parish priest calls it “divine unpredictability”. God works in ways we often don’t expect.
I will wait in joyful anticipation for the many more surprises God has in store for me.
All good giving and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights (James 1:17)
Although I had prepared myself for the life we would face here in Canada, I was hopeful that it would be different for me. So it was a surprise that nine months after we arrived, I still couldn’t find a decent job. I had almost resigned myself to the fact that I would never have a career, much less a similar job to the one I had in the Philippines.
But God brought me into my field of human resources, even though I had to start again at the very bottom. He also blessed me with employers who funded my studies, and I finished not one but two certificate programs.
Just recently, I was able to reach the position that I had in the Philippines before I left. It took nine long years and I no longer expected it--but what a pleasant surprise.
Shortly after, I got accepted as a freelance writer for an online media company. To do something that I love and get paid for it--another wonderful surprise.
Forrest Gump says “Life is like a box of chocolates--you never know just what you’re getting.” Our parish priest calls it “divine unpredictability”. God works in ways we often don’t expect.
I will wait in joyful anticipation for the many more surprises God has in store for me.
All good giving and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights (James 1:17)
August 1, 2010
Omnipresent
Omnipresent. Webster’s defines it as “present in all places at all times.”
I love this word. It conjures an image of someone who will always be there for you. Who else can be described as such except God who is everywhere, anywhere, whenever you need Him.
At the church where I attend the Perpetual Help novena, the priest gives a beautiful blessing at the end of the mass. “May our Lord Jesus Christ be with you to defend you, within you to sustain you, before you to lead you, behind you to protect you and above you to bless you all the days of your life.”
What great comfort to know that I have an omnipresent God.
O LORD, you have probed me, you know me: you know when I sit and stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. My travels and my rest you mark; with all my ways you are familiar. Even before a word is on my tongue, LORD, you know it all. Behind and before you encircle me and rest your hand upon me. Such knowledge is beyond me, far too lofty for me to reach. Where can I hide from your spirit? From your presence, where can I flee? (Psalm 139:1-7)
I love this word. It conjures an image of someone who will always be there for you. Who else can be described as such except God who is everywhere, anywhere, whenever you need Him.
At the church where I attend the Perpetual Help novena, the priest gives a beautiful blessing at the end of the mass. “May our Lord Jesus Christ be with you to defend you, within you to sustain you, before you to lead you, behind you to protect you and above you to bless you all the days of your life.”
What great comfort to know that I have an omnipresent God.
O LORD, you have probed me, you know me: you know when I sit and stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. My travels and my rest you mark; with all my ways you are familiar. Even before a word is on my tongue, LORD, you know it all. Behind and before you encircle me and rest your hand upon me. Such knowledge is beyond me, far too lofty for me to reach. Where can I hide from your spirit? From your presence, where can I flee? (Psalm 139:1-7)
July 29, 2010
A Plate of Spaghetti
$25 for a plate of spaghetti. That’s how much I paid at a fancy restaurant in Quebec City. And I don’t know if eating at a table on the sidewalk can be called fancy, although we had a good view of the downtown area. It was 3 pm and we were all famished. My hunger was enough to drown the thought of paying such an extravagant price for a simple dish. The food tasted delicious, the serving was large and it filled my stomach, so I told myself it must be worth it.
How easy it is to fork out $25 for a meal, $100 for a designer bag or $60 for a pair of jeans. Yet when the collection basket comes around during the Mass, most of the time I look for a $5.00 bill or change.
How much does it cost to save my soul? If I can translate my faith into dollars, how much will it be? I’m not saying that I can bribe God with my offering but true love manifests itself in a generous spirit. Surely, my faith is worth more than a $25 plate of spaghetti.
Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, That there may be food in my house, and try me in this, says the LORD of hosts: Shall I not open for you the floodgates of heaven, to pour down blessing upon you without measure? (Malachi 3:10)
How easy it is to fork out $25 for a meal, $100 for a designer bag or $60 for a pair of jeans. Yet when the collection basket comes around during the Mass, most of the time I look for a $5.00 bill or change.
How much does it cost to save my soul? If I can translate my faith into dollars, how much will it be? I’m not saying that I can bribe God with my offering but true love manifests itself in a generous spirit. Surely, my faith is worth more than a $25 plate of spaghetti.
Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, That there may be food in my house, and try me in this, says the LORD of hosts: Shall I not open for you the floodgates of heaven, to pour down blessing upon you without measure? (Malachi 3:10)
July 27, 2010
Faith in Action
I rode the bus and had to stand because it was full. I stood in front of a lady whose large bag was on the seat beside her. Since the bus was jampacked, the decent thing to do would have been to bring down the bag so somebody could sit. But she didn’t do that. I gently asked, “Is that bag yours?” She glowered at me, rudely answered “Yes!” and continued muttering angrily under her breath.
You meet a lot of characters on the bus and subway but this one particularly struck me. As she continued to whisper expletives, she read the Bible she was holding.
At times, I can also be a hypocrite like that woman – professing my faith yet failing to love, reciting Biblical verses yet speaking harshly to others.
We can pray, go to church every day, memorize the Bible, proclaim our beliefs, but if we are unable to demonstrate that faith to others, that faith is empty.
For just as a body without a spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead. (James 2:26)
You meet a lot of characters on the bus and subway but this one particularly struck me. As she continued to whisper expletives, she read the Bible she was holding.
At times, I can also be a hypocrite like that woman – professing my faith yet failing to love, reciting Biblical verses yet speaking harshly to others.
We can pray, go to church every day, memorize the Bible, proclaim our beliefs, but if we are unable to demonstrate that faith to others, that faith is empty.
For just as a body without a spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead. (James 2:26)
July 25, 2010
Who's Bigger?
“Mama, come!” my daughter yelled. I rushed, wondering what the problem was.
“Look, there’s a spider!” she and her younger sister screamed. They’re deathly afraid of spiders, bugs and insects. When a fly or mosquito enters the house, it’s a major disaster for them.
“It’s only a small spider,” I said. It was actually ‘itsy-bitsy’.
“Yeah, but it can bite and it will be painful,” she answered back.
“Who’s bigger – you or the spider?” This was my usual reply. But I still ended up getting rid of the spider. And my two daughters sighed in relief.
Sometimes, we can react like that to our problems. We see a disaster when in fact, it is only an annoyance or a minor disturbance. We go about as if the whole world has fallen on us. We end up worrying needlessly when in reality, our concern is so minute.
I imagine God saying “Who’s bigger – you or your problem? Who’s more powerful – me or your problem?”
Let God take care of it.
All who call upon me I will answer; I will be with them in distress; I will deliver them and give them honor. With length of days I will satisfy them and show them my saving power. (Psalms 91: 15-16)
“Look, there’s a spider!” she and her younger sister screamed. They’re deathly afraid of spiders, bugs and insects. When a fly or mosquito enters the house, it’s a major disaster for them.
“It’s only a small spider,” I said. It was actually ‘itsy-bitsy’.
“Yeah, but it can bite and it will be painful,” she answered back.
“Who’s bigger – you or the spider?” This was my usual reply. But I still ended up getting rid of the spider. And my two daughters sighed in relief.
Sometimes, we can react like that to our problems. We see a disaster when in fact, it is only an annoyance or a minor disturbance. We go about as if the whole world has fallen on us. We end up worrying needlessly when in reality, our concern is so minute.
I imagine God saying “Who’s bigger – you or your problem? Who’s more powerful – me or your problem?”
Let God take care of it.
All who call upon me I will answer; I will be with them in distress; I will deliver them and give them honor. With length of days I will satisfy them and show them my saving power. (Psalms 91: 15-16)
April 9, 2010
A New Beginning
The air was cold and brisk as I walked this morning. I took in long, deep breaths. My migraine had cleared and it felt good.
The past few weeks have been hard on me. Stress and the changing weather have increased the frequency of my headaches. I have found myself popping a pill more often to ease the pain. It has also been a dry period for me spiritually. I have struggled with my prayer time and scripture readings. After months of writing my reflections, I just couldn’t write anymore, no matter how much I willed myself to.
As I looked at new growth on the ground, at plants shooting up after a long period of hibernation, I understood why I had to go through my own winter of desolation.
Jesus had to experience death so He could conquer it through resurrection. My own difficulties have allowed me to see things with a fresh set of eyes. God makes all things new! Easter...spring...a new beginning!
He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain, (for) the old order has passed away. The one who sat on the throne said "Behold, I make all things new." (Revelation 21:4-5)
The past few weeks have been hard on me. Stress and the changing weather have increased the frequency of my headaches. I have found myself popping a pill more often to ease the pain. It has also been a dry period for me spiritually. I have struggled with my prayer time and scripture readings. After months of writing my reflections, I just couldn’t write anymore, no matter how much I willed myself to.
As I looked at new growth on the ground, at plants shooting up after a long period of hibernation, I understood why I had to go through my own winter of desolation.
Jesus had to experience death so He could conquer it through resurrection. My own difficulties have allowed me to see things with a fresh set of eyes. God makes all things new! Easter...spring...a new beginning!
He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain, (for) the old order has passed away. The one who sat on the throne said "Behold, I make all things new." (Revelation 21:4-5)
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